Episode Transcript:
Stirling 0:11
Welcome to witchy wellness weekly if you love learning and interweaving health, self growth and making magic, this is the show for you. And when we come together This is where we share how to breathe magic into your daily practice with creative self care inspiration to empower your unique journey to easeful health through witchy wellness, so that you can remember that your health choice is always your own. We are here to empower your freewill to decide for yourself. I'm Sterling, your magical methods mentor, nature based medicine maker farm life purveyor and nerd for all things esoteric, you can find my alchemical experiments at WWW dot wild folk which muse.com We are joined by our co host. Hilary is a certified clinical Ayurvedic Practitioner with the eye of a fine artist specializing in customizing herbs, nutrition and habits that support your body's unique cyclical rhythms at WWW dot Wilde veda.com. To support this show, and we the creators or for behind the scenes content, early access a member only experiences come join the tribe@www.patreon.com slash witchy wellness. Our private community is a safe place to explore your inner magic, where you are the hero of your own story on a planet that is thriving. It's Prime Time to climb out of the broom closet my friends, because our Earth needs your wild magic right now.
Hello, everyone, welcome back are so glad to have you here. And I am about to ask Hillary something amazing her I your vitta course what are you calling my course I Aveda 101 know yourself heal yourself. It just launched last week, and I got to be a part of it. Because I am very lucky girl. And I was absolutely enthralled. I thought I knew things about myself and I are vieta. And in general going into it. And it was just the first day of a basic introductory course. And I learned so much. And one of the things that really stuck out to me actually didn't have anything to do at all with AI or veto. It had to do with how Hillary held the space for the course. And that is the set of house rules that she created an introduced to us that I think is absolutely fantastic. And if all of human society managed to operate this way, we would absolutely transcend this reality and everything would be like instantaneous manifestation and everyone would be totally their most awesome self. And we'd all just have a lot more fun. So on the way to actualize the humanity at such a level, we're introducing the house rules here on the wild magic podcast and in our wild magic membership program. So Hey, everybody, we have a membership program number one you can join and also, this is now the framework for our community. Moving forward, check it out. You might want to introduce it in your life as well. Hillary take it away.
Hillary 4:28
All right. So I feel like whenever we start new things we need, we need like stability and foundation to build upon. And so I actually adopted these house rules from a couple different people and combined them and one person is my love want my really good friend and my roommate, our housemate rather, Jessie fresh who teaches about erotic blueprints and she has learned to from her teacher Giant that always always you start with pleasure. So pleasure. First, I just want to give a shout out to the people that I have adopted them first, and then we can jump into it. And then this other woman, Kylie, Kylie mcbeath. I think that's how you say her last name. And she is married to mark groves. And they, they do a lot of relational work on like healthy relationships. And I, when I've heard her talk, she kind of gives these this breakdown of house rules. So together, I've combined them, along with a little bit of my own own flair to it. And so yeah, I think they're really, really important and really valuable. So the first one, like I said, is pleasure first, and to always, always take care of yourself. And that's like, you know, I was introducing it in, in the course that we started a six week course. And it's all over zoom. And so we're all spending a ton of time on computers
and,
and that can be just really challenging in and of itself. But this can really be applied to anything like when you're at work when you're, you know, I don't know, what do you think like when you're
Stirling 6:16
doing anything, being a human when you're being a human being embodied? I mean, okay, and now I feel like I'm being exclusive, because obviously, if you're in spiritual beings, like you are totally allowed to put pleasure first as well. So let's just say, experience, like in the all experience at any time, if we could operate from this place, in along with the following rules, it's actually really important. Any one of these could get out of balance. But there's, you'll understand, as you listen further to how Hillary introduces the concepts, they work synergistically, so please don't like jump down the comment hole of weird things that happen when people put pleasure before everything else, because we're not saying pleasure before everything else, we're saying put pleasure first, synergistically along with all of these other rules, which are just as important, even though they were not primarily introduced. Because the idea is that if you come from the route of experiencing pleasure, you're gonna be in a better mood, and it will be easier to undertake all of these other actions. They're not even necessarily actions, all of these other principles. Okay, continue. Yes, exactly. Thank you.
Hillary 7:37
So with pleasure first, that can mean anything, it can mean really simple things, but like, always, always tuning into your body and what you need first, do you need to use the bathroom? Do you need some water? Do you need to stretch like, Are you feeling achy? Do you need to do a little movement. And this can literally like I said, be applied anywhere, if you're working and your neck is sore, like just giving yourself like a little massage for a second, just like attending to your body and what you need to be and then move through with a more pleasure in flight from a more pleasurable state. So that's just like taking care of yourself, and making sure you'll feel good, like base level, and
Stirling 8:21
everyone up sorry, everyone, imagine how much more tuned in and capable and productive and successful you would have felt as a child in school and other organized activities. If you were allowed to listen to your needs first. And you didn't have to raise your hand and ask publicly to take care of your bodily functions, just how fundamentally disempowering from a young age is that talk about being indoctrinated and domesticated. So let's rewind, let's reverse all that very early, super basic and continuous year upon year upon year of trauma of not being allowed to listen to yourself. And everyone remember, you have permission and also the autonomous right to take care of your personal needs first, so that you may feel in a state of pleasure. Yes.
Hillary 9:23
Perfect. And that's something to like talks about and I or VEDA is like there I think it's something like there's like 13 natural urges are something but I can't remember the exact number I'm pretty sure it's 13 natural urges and, and that's like using the bathroom or like passing gas or like burping or things like that, that are just like our bodies do. And by not doing those we are causing our bodies just like innate harm by not letting our bodies be body. It's so pleasure for us long story short, the next one is no Shame. So, especially like in this realm that we're talking in about health and wellness, and we all have bodies and minds, while also we're just talking about being energetic beings, maybe they're listening to. But I'm like, we all have bodies in minds that do things that sometimes we wish that they wouldn't do, like our bodies are having experiences that we wish could be different or same with our minds, like thinking or feeling things that we don't want. And I think it's a really important thing to recognize that everyone is having this experience on some level. And so as we talk about health and wellness, like moving forward, it's really important to come from a place of no shame. Like we're all in it, we're all having it. And, and talking about this can bring up a lot, a lot, a lot of emotion. Especially if you're in a place that you wish that you weren't or you wish you were like further along with whatever with whatever you're wanting in your life. So super important to come from that space. And, and then the next one is, so no pedestals. And this is like, very, very important to me. When I started learning about IR VEDA, I put my teachers on these very high pedestals, and I was like, oh, they're so spiritual, and they're so enlightened. And like these wisdom keepers and us incredible beings that I'm so far away from, I am very far down here, and they're very much up there. And with that, is very damaging. Like, really, we're all on these different paths, we all have experience from our experiences, like, we're all learning in different ways. And we all have these lessons that arrive in different ways. But one is not better than the other. And just because someone has a certain spiritual path or speaks a certain way, or dresses a certain way, or teaches a certain body of knowledge does not mean that they are better than you or that you are better than them or lesser than them or vice versa. And once I really recognize this, that like, Oh, this teacher that seems so like spiritually high to me, is actually really just human with very human traits and like, ways of being, and actually we're just equal and also in different places, but not better, where it's not higher or lower. Like that helps me realize that I get to like, navigate my world as I am.
Stirling 13:02
I really loved that I really loved that sentence, you just said I liked all the sentences, but that was that I get to navigate my world as I am. Because it's so important and poignant to have that realization. And also, how the fuck else are you supposed to navigate your world, like you can't actually do it any other way. So you're just in this turmoil with yourself until you can accept that fact, it's beautiful that you got there. And I wanted to talk about the danger of placing on a pedestal from the flip side of the same coin, which is that when someone has placed me on a pedestal, which actually happens a lot, because I have a really big personality. So people either immediately react in a negative or positive way to me, and a lot of times I get put like way up on a pedestal. And now because it's happened so much I can tell when it happens. And I actually immediately have a visceral reaction in a more negative sense to being placed on that pedestal and want to knock myself off of it immediately. Because eventually, whoever placed me on this pedestal is going to realize that I am the human. And yes, I have some amazing gifts and I also have some outrageous shortcomings, and eccentricities and strange, odd behaviors that are not congruent with their initial concept of me that put me up on this pedestal and all of a sudden, boom, I come tumbling down and it's crazy because I didn't put myself on that pedestal I had really no control over this ideation in someone else's mind. But somehow I feel the effects of no longer being on the pedestal I did not place myself on to begin with and it hurts me. You Even though I had nothing to do with it, so yeah, like pencils are dangerous for everyone. And then there's another component of it too, which is like from the observers perspective of being neither the pedestal or the pedestal Lee. And that is that when we place someone on a pedestal, we actually create a vulnerability in ourselves that is very easy to see and also manipulate. So in a situation where I've placed someone on a pedestal, because like you said, they're this amazing teacher who has this spiritual knowledge, or they're, I'm admiring what they're doing, because it's what I want to attain on some level or whatever reason, I now am broadcasting to the world that I have created a gap between me and this person that I would like to bridge but do not feel equipped to do so. So when the person who has been placed on the pedestal senses that and knows that they could make an effort that looks like bridging the gap and be invited in way past my safe boundaries. That's when you get situations of like grooming, not in a nice way, not in a hygienic way, grooming in a way, where now all of a sudden, this person who I have decided is amazing is paying me this special attention. And I'm going to behave however, I need to to continue to get the attention that bridges this gap between me and this person that I created in the first place. And that's the interesting thing, too, is realizing that because I placed them on the pedestal, I actually have control over the situation, I actually created the gap, I actually unlocked the back door and said, Hey, come on in, take what you want, stay as long as you need. And it's a lot harder to get someone out of your energy, when you have allowed them in because of your feelings of inadequacy or placing them on some sort of pedestal. And, sure, hopefully, someone you've placed on a pedestal wouldn't take advantage of you and that sort of way. But actually, it happens a lot. And sometimes they're not even conscious of it. And sometimes they're very conscious of it. And that's a dangerous situation.
Hillary 17:27
Very dangerous. And this could be a whole nother podcast episode. In fact, I think it should be. I definitely that like pedestals have been my history no longer I have really deeply learned my lesson here. But I have been in serious abusive relationships, mental emotional, like psycho pathik, like, experiences with people because they preached this spiritual way that I valued so deeply. And to me because because they were super in shape. And because they were really healthy seeming and because they they just were so righteous in their thoughts. I was like, Oh, well, they must know more than I do. And they must know life better than I do. So I should actually listen to all things that they're saying. And that is very, very dangerous. So it yeah, it took some really scary, huge mega lessons for me. That were basically like death experiences in order for me to learn this lesson. So hopefully, you don't have to learn this lesson as hard as maybe we've had to learn. But yes, long story short is no pedestal. The playing guild all coming from the heart, heart plain, like radiating out. And this is where we all meet in this information where we gather and share together. Yep, yep. Yeah. So To be continued with that conversation, for sure. And then so Okay, so just to refresh or reframe so pleasure first, no shame, no pedestals and then the last one on this on this note is to not use any information that we share here, around like health and wellness, to use it to punish yourself. So do not use this information to punish yourself. Use this information for like deepening your relationship to yourself to yourself care and to yourself love. And that means like moving slowly with it not just like, like taking this and like applying everything at once and just trying to change everything about yourself. It's like No, take what take this small like next best step. And then keep taking those small next best steps while checking in with your body and your mind and your needs, and your own intuition and truth and really exploring it for yourself and not because someone told you to do
Stirling 20:19
and taking the next best step sometimes means taking a couple steps backwards, which would like raise all the red flags, except we're not walking in a straight line in one direction. That's not like linear reality isn't real in that way, we're basically spinning our spinning around in circles, y'all. So like when you have to tune into yourself and understand that your next baby step is actually back to where you just came from, do it. Honestly, those are the moments that provide. For me personally, the most growth is like that revisit point, like there's a there's a point, there's a reason why as kindergarteners were taught to plan and then do and then review, because the actual learning happens in the review process. So if you have to take a couple steps backwards, instead of pushing forwards, too hard, too fast and hurting yourself, because you don't want to do it wrong, you take that baby step backwards, and you look at what just happened. And that makes the dent right connections, the synapses in your brain that store information, and that actually will rewire your mind to live in a more balanced and helpful way with your true needs. That's probably the most important part of the whole process. Because otherwise, you're a whiteboard, and you run out of space on the whiteboard. And so you just erase it all and keep writing and there's no record of what came before. And you don't remember because that was like five steps ago, and I was focusing on this one.
Hillary 21:50
Yeah, the importance of reflection is so so deeply important, because that is where that's where the true learning comes, if we're always pushing forward, we're not reflecting and then we're not really learning from our past experiences. And that's something I think as a culture we really need to grow in is actually like, really taking that time to reflect and step back and see the larger picture, see the deeper themes. And I think we talked about this in the last podcast of like, the importance of journaling, because that is really where you can reflect. And like take that time to kind of like tune in, tune into that tune into the deeper unfolding of what's going on.
Stirling 22:39
Let's talk more about that. Tie it into journaling a little harder, because I know how much you and I believe wholeheartedly in journaling. Like maybe if I had a dogma, that would be it. Like if I hadn't just proselytize one thing, it would be journal, I don't care how I don't care when Just do it. So let's talk a little bit more about how to do that.
Hillary 23:11
Yes, I think that's a great, a great next step. And journaling, too, like I have some friends and even myself have had like a repulsion to journaling before. But this can be in you could like voice journal, you know, you could do like audio recordings of you.
Stirling 23:31
I do that that is 100% the most I write on paper for my gratitudes in the morning, which is like a third of a page and at night I do a little bit of scripting sometimes are all right in a dream journal handwriting. But 80% of my journaling, quote unquote, is me talking into a recording device, because I find I'm so in the habit of it, that I'm just having that conversation out loud all the time anyways, even when I'm not recording, but when I do intentionally record it, and then also at some nebulous future point, take a step backwards and do the review process and listen back to it.
I just get flabbergasted. And I'm like, I'm a fucking genius. Whoa, girl, you
said this thing is blowing my mind. I
Hillary 24:16
don't even remember saying totally. And that yeah, I think like that is that is such a good point. When we don't take time to reflect, we don't get to like see our own magic and our own wisdom. And, and that's like that is the truth of the matter is like we all carry such deep innate wisdom from our lineages from things that we've learned from experiences that we've had. And if you don't give yourself a chance to like, see that in yourself, you're missing such gems, like, what? And also we're all channels like we're all Where are these like beings. We're going to talk about this more we have like these portals of experience. Seeing the world with through our senses like our eyes, our ears, our noses, our mouth, our skin as receptor sites like we are these, like beings that have portals that take in life and life moves through us. And that's happening, like on a microcosmic and macrocosmic level, all the time. And so giving yourself self a chance to see your see reflections of yourself, not just in the mirror, but like, through these different ways of seeing is very, very, very valuable. And you can learn so much, just from yourself.
Stirling 25:36
Absolutely. And it's you, each of us is 100%, distinct, totally unique. No One No One Else, it doesn't matter how precisely parallel Your life is to someone, it doesn't matter if you're a conjoined twin, you have different distinct, unique, singular wisdom than anyone else. And only you know it until you share it. And the first step is sharing it with yourself, and you will be so amazed, because it will be things that you didn't even know, you know, and how can you hope to share your unique distinct magic with anyone else if you're not ready to share it with yourself. And that's like the whole reason we're here we are literally, each of us synthesizing the sensory input into a totally distinct song, I guess vibration. Like we we are these conduits were literally channels like Hillary said, and, and to some people that context might sound woowoo. But think of it like a radio station, or like a channel on the TV, like, actually, these different frequencies. So what I'm tuned into in terms of the information I'm taking in from my past experiences, and what I am currently experiencing in reality, with all of my senses, and my personality, and my predispositions, and all of that, it it stews and congeals into something that comes back out of me, that has never before been exactly that way. So it's a really important that you tune into that for yourself through journaling, and then build up the confidence to introduce it back into the world. However you need to do that. Because honestly, that is what each of us is here to do. And that's basically all you have to do is share you and your magic with the world. That is why we're here. And that is like all the reasons why people don't feel sane or healthy or accepted or Okay, or actualized or creative or any of those things. It's because you're trying to meter or block or you are fundamentally disconnected from the thing that you're here to share. And you don't have to know what that is. You just have to you just have to be it. You don't have to you don't have to know it. You don't have to censor it. You don't have to fine tune it. You don't have it doesn't have to become something else before you are it because you just are it You're the thing. You're the thing you're supposed to share. You're already at all of you. You're already the thing. Yes.
Hillary 28:34
Yes, so deeply. So yes, the metaphor that keeps coming to my mind, and like this might apply to some people might get this metaphor more than others. But like, in college, I took these fiber art classes, and I took a weaving course. And we I learned all about weaving. And I feel like that is like a metaphor for what we're doing here. And what we're all doing like on a larger and small scale is like, we are these threads. And we each have like our own texture and our own color and our own, like our own magic, and our own material that we're made of. And then we weave together with all the people and the things around us. And then we create this thing, be it you know, a hanging wall piece or like fabric or for clothing or whatever we're creating together and like me coming together with Sterling and we're we're both very different, like we are very different. But we have these different like because we're solid and stable and ourselves. We're able to like come together and we don't like melt into each other but we weave a very magical thing together as we bring our knowledge and our wisdom and our experiences together. Not merging into the other but creating together. And that's the goal here. Absolutely.
Stirling 29:57
And we're both such beautiful Unique, distinct yarn. And it would never be the weaving that we create together. If it was not us combining our unique,
distinct yarn.
So like it takes being a unique individual capable of sitting in your self, and figuring out how to express yourself to them, combined with another unique, distinct individual that is sitting in themselves and able to express themselves to create something that is greater than the sum of the parts that would not otherwise ever have the opportunity to exist. Weaving is a great example of that. So is like cooking anything. So is math, like, numbers do the same thing. Like it's all it's all patterns, you know, you have a seed, you have dirt, you have water, each of those things is just exactly what they are, which is totally unique and distinct. And they're all very busy just being exactly what they are. When you combine them, you can grow a tree. None of those things were retrieved before.
Hillary 31:15
And you need to you have to have them all to get a tree. And they need to be different. Because if they were all just water, then you just have a puddle. You wouldn't you would not have a tree. That would not be a tree would be a puddle. wishing that I was a tree. Oh
Stirling 31:33
my gosh, that maybe that's why puddles show reflections because you can see the reflection of a tree in a puddle. But the reflection of the tree in the puddle is still not a tree.
Hillary 31:47
Okay. Just sit with that journal journal about it. Oh, man, we're giving me like deemed the most whoo podcasts. I imagine there's where we are.
Stirling 32:02
Probably I mean, cuz if you think about like, we're, we're pretty Whoo. Compared to nod Whoo.
We are not very
woowoo compared to the mega Whoo. That's, like, I walk into
a room full of Whoa. And I'm just like,
Oh my gosh, I am so practical and down to earth, and pragmatic, y'all. And then I walk into a room of you know, rugby players and I'm like, I'm very interesting.
Hillary 32:35
That's true, always all in context. Okay, I want to pull this like conversation to this next thing we're gonna go back to house rules. But I think what we were just talking about about like, being ourselves like unapologetically so and learning and moving as ourselves and not like bending and forming to other people or ways of being. That's like the definition of health. So in IR VEDA, the term for health is called swasta. And the first part of that word, spa means self. And the second part of that word means the second part is that which is established solid, or study. And so the whole word combined is to be established and solid in yourself. And that's what health is. So aside from all the different things that say that what health is like, fundamentally, so is just being like solid and steady inside of your own being. super important. just felt like that was a necessary definition that basically sums up everything
Stirling 33:50
that we just said in one single two syllable word, which is why ancient wisdom is ancient. Because like, staying power, right, we just had that whole conversation and it took a lot of words and it was great and there was some self expression happening and good job us. And also, this two syllable word means exactly the same thing. Yep. Yeah, totally.
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Okay, so
we are going to harp more on why you should journal. And we mean like a very broad definition of journal like I personally have maybe like 16 different definitions of journaling. So it's an umbrella topic and we could go like way, way, way into it. So, first, I think the best thing to address is what you touched on earlier, Hillary, which is like what to do about manifesting a serious block around journaling, like why, like, what, cuz I've experienced that too. And I think maybe everyone does, like I have for long swathes of my life, months at a time, maybe even years, felt really intense resistance to keeping any sort of journal. And in retrospect.
Hillary 36:39
Why did I feel like that? Yeah, well, so at different points in my life, like, I, I didn't really start journaling until my 20s. And, like, early, early 20s, like probably 20. Um, and I guess when I was younger, I had kept like a couple different journals about like some travels that I had. But I remember learning from my mom, that she did not keep journals, and she did not write anything down because she didn't want anyone to find it. And she felt like afraid of what was inside of her being found out. Go ahead.
Stirling 37:21
I would like to know what was going on in your mom's life, that she was so petrified about anyone finding out about that she did not keep a journal in general, because it sounds really interesting. And I like to know people's really great secrets, but also specifically because my first encounter with Hillary's mom was extremely embarrassing. And I believe that in Hillary's mother's mind, I still have not lived at that moment down. Continuing to infamy, and it is the kind of thing that I imagine a woman who's afraid of keeping a journal would be terrified of having happened in their life. Yeah, do you want it? Did you want to talk about that experience? Or you want me to talk about I'm not going to talk anymore about it. If you would like to explain it at all. You may but I just had to interject that because it's because I would love to know some embarrassing shit about your mom because I so embarrassed about the things your mom thinks about me. Let's just leave it at that.
Hillary 38:25
I don't know the full story. I know parts of the story because Sterling was friends with my brother and their I think there was like shenanigans and hot tubs and lots of alcohol and nudity that happened and my mom came homes.
Stirling 38:39
Yeah, yeah. Before Hillary and I ever met. How did you know of me Hillary? What did what what was the one indicator? How would you How did you have Sterling classified in your mind before we ever met?
Hillary 38:52
That you were my brother's like really, really, really good friend. Like, almost like besties and like you guys partied super hard together.
Stirling 39:01
And all Yeah. And how did you? Well, I was just gonna say how would your mom have explained to me?
Hillary 39:09
I think I think like it was so long ago, but I'm pretty sure it was just like that you were very like, you all as a group were very debaucherous and
Stirling 39:22
the only time I've met Hillary's Mom, I didn't have any pants on and I was standing in her kitchen.
Hillary 39:27
Yeah. But she was in the kitchen and my mom like woke up or something I don't know. And like came came out into the kitchen. It was very late and
Stirling 39:37
I don't know either to now manage to hide behind the refrigerator. I was not the only person not wearing pants. I was the only person who was seen not wearing pants standing in the kitchen.
Three or four in the morning.
Hillary 39:51
Totally. Yeah, so Sterling was in my house before I ever knew her without pants on which is Rarely, probably why we're friends. But yeah, I think I don't I honestly, I don't know, like, what was going on for my mom. But I think generally, generationally speaking like, she grew up in a family that was like children are meant to be seen and not heard. And it was just a different time, like her dad had come back from the war. And it was just very different, like, women were also to be like, seen and not heard so much, and just like, take care of the house. And so I think there's like an evolution of this, that's happened. And now we're living in a very different time. But that's, I think, my mom's upbringing. And so, probably just like things that aren't even intense for us probably really intense for her because she was like breaking this script and breaking the mold of what her parents had taught her. And, strangely enough, like I had a very intense psychedelic experience where I think I experienced the karma of this pattern in my family, where I was, I felt that somebody was sitting inside of my psyche, and my subconscious and seeing all of my secrets, and all of my things that I didn't want anyone else to know about people who I loved, like, loving somebody and not admitting it, because it was too vulnerable, things like that. And suddenly, I felt completely exposed. And like, all of my secrets were not actually secrets. And it felt so intense and so vulnerable. And I imagine that that is where my mom is coming from in the not wanting to journal and I imagine a lot of people are coming from that place of not wanting to be found out, figured out that their secrets are so so like, maybe dark or strange or, like scary. But I think like my experience through that was like, oh, wow, we actually think that we are like have these secrets that are not to be known. And I think we all have them, and it makes us really human. And the more that you can like free yourself from the shame, like we talked about in the beginning, like the shame, guilt, anything like that. The freer you become like the freer your energy becomes, and the freer you are to become yourself. And that is the magic of journaling of like, really becoming unafraid of yourself, your thoughts, your psyche, the things that you think are deep dark down inside, like your shadow self, and bringing those like places to the surface. And like giving them light and giving them breath and giving them space to, like accept them. And realizing that you're not bad, like you're not bad. Like the things you think and feel are not bad. Other people think them too. You're not alone. There, there are so many people on this planet, if you're having a thought or a feeling that you think is like no, guaranteed there are 1000s of other people that have had those thoughts and feelings as well. Absolutely. And the more you do that, the more you free yourself. And the more that you get to be more fully yourself. So journal Do it. Do it Do it now. Yeah, and like figure out a way that works for yourself that you can like, let let those darker corners of your being come to the surface and have space. Like Be it audio or what is it like speaking and speaking into a recording for your like on your phone and listening back or literally like writing it out or journaling or singing it out? Like if you create songs like turning it into songs that no one else has to hear, like, whatever form that needs to move through you to like free up energy and free up your ability to like become more of yourself. Do it. Do it. This is liberation. This is
Stirling 44:26
absolutely I even it's funny because I mentioned there were those like swathes of time where I wouldn't journal. I was still always writing poetry and songs. I didn't realize they were songs at the time, I only thought about them as poetry until I don't know, I was well into my 20s at the beginning of my 20s but it's interesting because the poems hold all those things, even if it's in metaphor, even if it's a 12 year olds, rhyme scheme, you know, it's still I can read back through all those napkin scribble poems, and unearth these gems of who I was in that moment or what I was going through or what I was transmuting. And it's so interesting because it really comes in waves and phases. Like I recently lived in Los Angeles in Hollywood for over a year. And that was the culmination of basically my entire childhood and adolescent dream of being a part of the entertainment industry, being an actress being a singer, being a performer and doing it the Hollywood way. And that was a thing that I needed to do. And I needed to live it out to its full extent, because otherwise, it would always be this piece inside of me that I hadn't pursued. But while I was there, I wrote a lot. I was very creatively productive. But the things that I was writing a lot of songs, a lot of lyrics. Wow, it was dark. It was so dark. Super, like channeling some demonic hell mouth portal kind of dark, like I read it. Now this was recently this was just up until lockdown started, which is when I left LA, oh my gosh, I am. So not in the frame of mind that I was in 18 months ago. And it's interesting because I've had other times in my life where the things I was journaling and the things that I was writing in poetry and song, the art that I was coming up with was very dark, like I have my Pluto is retrograde in Scorpio in my 10th house, like I go all the way down, down, down, down down to the depths like me, and per Stephanie, we know that shit, we do it all the time. But the flavor of darkness that I was writing when I was in LA was a very particular flavor. And it's really interesting, because if you Hillary or the listener, I know you kind of do it, if you listener have looked at all turned any stones over to understand the machinations of Hollywood and the entertainment industry, the music industry, the film industry, any of that, you know, that should is really, really dark cesspool, dank, haunted, dark, and that's what was coming through my writing. And it's so interesting, because it seems like a different person wrote it, when I read it now I'm like, whoa, whoa, like, what is this that's like, something was coming through in that particular time in my life and that place that I was, and I captured it in words, and it's super valuable, because I needed to get it out in words, because I wouldn't want to keep that inside of me it was like, like releasing steam, you know, or like being an acupuncture needle in this place, and culture that really, really needs some help transmuting that dark, dark energy. And now, the things that I write about are unrecognizable to that voice. And I feel like if I hadn't had such a practice of self expression and radical honesty in what I was creating, and like a willingness to really sit there in the uncomfortable super strange, super dark thoughts, and get them out that I would be a completely different person right now. still be carrying that around with me in some weird dark shadow place. And I'm glad I'm not.
Hillary 48:58
Yeah, I mean, that's like integration, like we have to integrate, we have to like, pull what's down, up we have to pull what's up down we have to integrate them and like intermingle them and let them like, fuse together to like, fully become you know. Yeah, otherwise we just are afraid of afraid of that like dark place. And we all have it like we live on a polarity planet. I'll say it over and over again is what my teacher one of my like, Kundalini yoga teachers would always say we are on a polarity planet, everything has its polarity, and then its whole spectrum and bridge to get to each other. You know, so this is like one thing, and then the complete opposite. And then the whole spectrum of in between of getting to the do and we're all of it and that if you think that you were only light and vibration, and like, like perfect ness and whatever. That's spiritual by Pass, if you think you're better than the darkness and all that, no, there are lessons and both both are equally important because both are poles of the same thing. Being able to, like traverse that, those opposing qualities and like pull them in and through you and out of you. That's, that's like the experience like, that's getting real with life and being like a real human and living fully. You can spiritually bypass all day long, and just sit in the sit in the glass and the light and the whatever. But you're missing out on huge information integration and connection with other people.
Stirling 50:43
Not only are you missing out on those things, not only are you ignoring super huge component and vital part of being human and having the human experience, but you're also not paying attention to an entire half of your being and the reality around you to the point where that is just going unchecked, like a pot that you left on the stove that has boiled over and completely cooked and congealed and caught on fire. And now your whole kitchen is burning down and you're sitting in the living room gazing out the window. And like that, just because it's really pretty outside doesn't mean your kitchen is not on fire. It's like a rubber band. Like if you hold it between two fingers, and you keep them equidistant from the center, then they're well balanced. But if you just pull one way, way, way out here to the other side, it's either going to break, snap back and really hurt when it hits you, or that other pole is going to smash into you because of the tension created because you're not checking back in to keep the balance. Totally spiritual bypass is a really good phrase for that. I don't think that I've used that phrase before, it makes perfect sense because that's exactly what it is. And for anyone that's grown something like a plant, or I mean, even just picturing it in your mind, what if you were so you have control over how you grow as a human as a child, like physically. And you're so focused on growing your legs, because you want to be so tall, because you want to be able to see the highest thing that you can see. And that means that you've completely forgot to grow your arms or your organs or your head or anything, and then you just all legs, you're not going to function as a human, because you're missing growth in all these other areas. It doesn't, it doesn't work. And anyone that tries to tell you different Well, number one, they're wrong. But number two, there, they're either placing themselves on a pedestal or placing you on a pedestal attempting to take advantage of you or so completely out of touch with this reality and themselves that you shouldn't be taking their advice.
Hillary 53:19
True. So true. Yeah. It's making me think of like a couple books actually.
that have been really like important in my process of, of like opening up in the realm of writing. And there's one that was gifted to me and it even just the all the information that you need is in the title,
which is
you know, if you need to read the book, I haven't read the whole book, I read parts of it. But I just read I just read the title, it was actually just read the title. So knowledge from the title is called writing through the darkness. No,
Stirling 54:04
oh look, another sentence that totally encapsulated the entire last 45 minutes of the conversation and everything I said in just like what five words great, concise,
Hillary 54:17
and like and these other, like really important books that were in my early 20s that really helped me like the artists way and you can heal your life. And they had these like writing prompts that just really, like helped me get in touch with all of those different places. And we're going to be coming up with a book and like a workbook as well of writing prompts and things like that, to really get in touch with these places that are so important in us to explore, to develop, to see to feel to acknowledge. So, yeah, just wanted to throw that out there.
Stirling 54:58
Absolutely and writing prompts are such A great place to start and an end, you can even take it, you could take that into as complex of a concept as it needs to be and like you know, have 50 journal prompts and do a different prompt every evening and this and that. Or you can just do the same prompt every day, which is what I do in the morning, I have a gratitude journal, it's part of my larger gratitude practice. But honestly, it is the most essential part for me. And if I only do one thing, it's that, and it's the same thing every morning in the same journal in the same place, I open it up, and I start with I am grateful for, and then I put what I'm grateful for whatever comes up, and then I start the next sentence I am grateful for and I put whatever I'm grateful for. And I do that as many times as I need to, for it to then morph into maybe a more complex sentence, but maybe it doesn't. And maybe I just write that same sentence over three times, I am grateful for my dog, I am grateful for my tea, I am grateful for the sun rising. And it can be that simple. And it's the same thing every morning. And that doesn't make it less meaningful or less powerful. It makes it more powerful. And it makes it more effective. And it is amazing. And it's always the same. Same journal, same pen. Same first four words.
Hillary 56:24
Yep. Love that. Yeah, that's super important. I, I definitely have gone through like different iterations of like, what, what I write, but, and I think this comes back to something that we're going to be talking a lot more about, and like publishing in a book that is going to be coming out. And, um, you know, there's always something like, we're always in different phases in our life. So things do like morph and change. And I think it's so important to stick to something for a long time, so that you have like a baseline and you have a routine, for example, what Stirling is talking about, like, it doesn't need to be complicated. And every day you just write like, what you're grateful for. And, you know, I was living in Miami for like, a four month stint of time. And I was there to heal from some really, really intense happenings. And I felt so broken, I felt just like fucked up beyond form. And so I went there by myself, without really knowing anybody or anything. And I just was like, I'm here to meditate and write and heal and do yoga and watch the sun rise and set and nothing more. And I, every morning, I would walk out onto this little dock that was right out of the apartment that I was staying in, which my aunt so gracefully gave to me while she studied her while she traveled through India. So I had this little safe haven to stay in by myself and really go inward. And so every morning, I wake up and I walk out to this Doc, and I felt so heartbroken. But I would just sit there and write, like every day, I'm gonna write 10 things that I'm grateful for, because there's got to be something. And it is it's simple. It's like I'm grateful for this sunshine on my skin. I'm grateful for it, like being able to take one deep breath, I'm grateful for like the sun glistening on the water, or like seeing a little like magical creature or like a bird saying, it can be that it but it gets you into this energy of gratitude and like the beauty of life. And that can contradict the like pain of life that we experienced as well. So it's like counterbalancing things. And the other practice that I did that if you're like in a phase of healing, or heartbreak or anything like that, I think is really simple. And it helps with embodiment. And it helps you connect to the inner inner you. After I would write my gratitude list, I would sit and I would put my hands both my hands over my heart. And I would just breathe there for a second and I would sit and I'd ask my heart, like heart, what do you feel? And then I would pick up my pen and I would write I would write what came to me. And it would be really simple. Just certain words. I feel shaky. I feel expansive. I feel like there is a fire in my heart that I feel like I'm going to explode. Like I would just write whatever I felt that day. And then I would go back to putting my hands on my heart after I wrote and I would say heart, what do you need? And, and then I would write again, I would write the simple words that came to me and I would not let my intellectual mind get in the way. Sometimes it would and I would just say Nope. And I'll just write the first things that would come to me. What do you need and Like, some days, it would be like I need rest, or I need nourishment, or I need to go on a long walk, or I need something really yummy. Or I need like, I need to listen to the birds or whatever it was. And I would just write it and I would honor that. And I'd be like, Okay, this is what I need to do today. This is what I need to do to heal.
And so simple, it can be so simple. And you can make up your own practice. And if you don't want to make up your own practice, you can find practices, you can google practices, you can use this practice. But find something that can carry you through the like challenge or the pain or the fear, or the like closed down ness, or depression or lethargy, whatever it is that you're experiencing that is very human, other people are experiencing too. You're not alone. And, like, let let your own internal world carry you through it. Because that will create like inner strength that you there's no possible way for you when you're doing this. There's no possible way for you to like, not trust yourself after you experience this enough. Like you have to say, Whoa, I have internal wisdom that no one else can really tell me like this is coming from inside. Like my heart is literally speaking to me. That that is magic. That is wild fucking magic.
Unknown Speaker 1:01:35
Finger snaps fingers. And you can't do it. Wrong. Yes, totally. Oh, and this, can I share something else too.
Stirling 1:01:48
I'll just I'll just go back to this.
Hillary 1:01:51
Yeah, we're both having our hands on our hearts. Right now. We're having a moment. Sterling is slaying it's really beautiful. listening to my heart. So at that point in my life, I was in a healing Phase I was really like just at Ground Zero like fucking down and broken, but like broken open, not like broken, unrepairable, just broken, open and very vulnerable. And that was, so I was in like a phase of journaling. And this was about a little over a year ago. And since then, you know, I've gone through many iterations of feeling and experiencing and growing. And lately, my journaling practice is very different. And that's because it's like, morphed and grown. And so now, when I'm journaling, I'm actually in a process of like, building a life that is so like, true and exciting, and like joyful and loving for me. But I needed to go through that like pain and the breaking in order to be like, What the fuck is important to me? And like, what the fuck do I want? Like not what's being told not what's being projected? Not any of these things like, what the fuck do I want from my life? And how do I create it? And so now my journaling practice is very strange and different. And a lot of the time, it's me meditating on the person that I'm in the process of becoming, and stepping into an older version of myself, and then writing a letter to my current self, of how to bridge the gap between my current self and my self that I'm becoming what, what are the practices that I do as that deeper and more expanded self that I'm turning into? And what what does she think about and what does she feel and what does she want? And what is she doing? And so I'm tapping into a future self and my current self, and I'm not telling my current self that she is wrong, I'm telling her, oh, you're becoming something you're in the process of becoming. And then I write, I write, and I bridge the gap between those two cells. So, so a little example of that,
Stirling 1:04:06
but it's, it's amazing. It's amazing. And it really is, it really is indicative of how much a journaling practice can change. Like when we say journal, we really do mean like 27,000 different things. It really is an umbrella. And it's, it's, again, so concisely, what I was saying with so many words earlier, were like what I was writing my creative output a year and a half ago in LA was these things that needed to come out. And now when I write it's nothing like that. And it is way more about being so grateful that I'm not in that place anymore. And understanding how amazing it is that I've moved so far from that point in time to at this point in time and what is the next jump going to look like? And it's very much I'm in the middle shifting from getting out of the dark and shifting towards what you just described, speaking from the light on the other end of that rubber band, I'm like in the middle and I'm like, Alright, okay, here's the balance point. Now what? What is it now? Now? What? Yeah, exactly. And no one else can tell me now what I have to figure that out and you figure it out for myself. Totally.
Hillary 1:05:21
Yeah. And like people can help and like, inspire and like, whatever. But ultimately, you, you know, and that's the whole point of this channel on this podcast and the things that we're creating is like, bringing you back to the fact that you know better than anyone else knows what's right for you. When maybe you forget, and you need little inspirations along the way, because we all do. Neat. We need pep talks. But But yeah, it's it's quite the journey to becoming yourself over and over again.
Stirling 1:05:57
Yeah, it never stops. No, that's kind of the point of what we're doing here on this planet being alive. What this is,
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Orthorexia & Spiritual Bypassing